Playdates

Kids at shore

Kids at shore (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everyday at my house seems to be a great big playdate.  Sure, we have a schedule, and some days the routine is the only thing that keeps me from opening a bottle of Valium during nap time, but we have a lot of free play hours in our day.  And we use them to our full advantage, taking walks, making my kitchen a concert hall.  So sometimes I am surprised when my granddaughter wants to invite her friend from gymnastics to play, or my grandson wants a friend to ride the bus home from school with him.

I do have some grandma guidelines for successful playdates, and hopefully they will fit into your playdate puzzle.

Don’t Force a Crowd

Kids at two and three don’t really have “friends”.  They have people they play next to.  If you have a mom or grandmother you like to have coffee with, this is a perfect play date 1 on 1.  By the time your child is four or five, playdates with preschool friends or t-ball buddies are pretty normal.  Let your child decide who to invite, and limit the number of children. 1 or 2 friends is plenty.  More than that and the crowd becomes mischievous, and unless you were spawned on some other planet and crashed into earth as “Supermom”  – you only have two hands and one set of eyes.

Set the Timer

There is too much of a good thing.  I use the egg timer rule of thumb for playdates: an hour for under five, two for under ten, eleven and older three or the duration of the activity they are doing together.  Sleepovers are the exception, but I never allow sleepovers for children under nine. 

Neutral Territory

All of my grandchildren have favorite toys, and none of them really likes to share.  Especially with children under the age of five, a playground is better, there is less to fight over.  If you are tied to your home for the playdate, remove the favorite toys, blankets, and controversial items that you know will start a disagreement.

Plan an Agenda

I like to have an activity or two, like an art project or a game to let the kids pick from.  It keeps things organized, running smoothly, and over in the correct time period.  If the kids are old enough (say four and up) let them pick what they would like to do for the playdate or take an active part in setting up for the playdate.

Be Present

You cannot leave two six-year olds up to their own devices or after fifteen minutes of silence you will find one of them shimmy-ing down the outside of your second story window on a bed sheet.  True story. So plan on being there the whole time and supervising, but intervene rarely.  Let them negotiate their differences, this is crucial problem solving skill building. 

Fair Warning

Blow the five-minute whistle when the playdate is coming to an end.  it is important that the kids know what to expect and part of that is when to finish up their games so they can help clean up before it is time to go home.

 

That’s My Gramma!

Sibling Rivalry (Family Guy)

Sibling Rivalry (Family Guy) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yesterday my little ones were in a heated but quiet debate.  They had circled the wagons and I could not hear what was being said as they covertly discussed a topic that clearly required government clearance to eavesdrop.

Suddenly, the two-year old made a break for it, and fiercely grabbing my leg shot daggers at his cousin and said: “No! That’s my Gramma!”  It took about half a second to collect myself and not break out into laughter, and I was reminded of how terrible and how lovely sibling rivalry can be.

Siblings is the best way, in my opinion, to categorize them, they have been together five or six days a week for the past two years.  They take gym classes together, they play together, they share favorite movies and games. But they also have totally different families they go home to at the end of the day, so the fierce possessiveness they show me can sometimes catch me off guard.  But my surprise does not eliminate the reality that each wants to be my favorite, each is just slightly irrational in the way only a toddler can carry off in style, and it is important to their social development to help them manage  their own rivalry so they can become emotionally healthy adults who can balance acceptance and rejection and form strong balanced relationships in the future.

Carve Out Time

Carving out time can be as simple as sitting with one in your lap as you read a favorite book, or watching them color, or throwing a ball.  The time does not have to be substantial: it has to be meaningful.  Take into account what makes each child feel special and take ten minutes everyday to show interest.

Do Not Try to Create Equality

Celebrate the differences each of your children possesses. It is OK if they do not get the same size scoop of ice cream or exactly ten M&Ms on top if they are three years apart.  If you generate a complaint, simply explain that you try your best to be fair and each can eat different amounts, then offer a little more to the one expressing concern by asking how much more they think they can eat and fulfilling the request.

Set Boundaries

Each child should have their own set of boundaries.  In some cases these boundaries will overlap, for example hitting or poking each other will likely be the same for everyone), but in other instances they will be different.  Providing clear expectations for everyone will help reduce the squabbling and tattling that exacerbates sibling rivalry.

Provide Words Where the Are None

Children that are only four do not have the vocabulary to express what they are feeling. Take a guess at what the concern is and let them respond; this works very well not just for rivalry but for all emotional moments. 

Suggest an Acceptable Activity to Express Feelings

One of my grandchildren used to get angry and kick the wall when they felt ignored.  Since that is not acceptable behavior at my house I gave him an alternative that was.  We started a “journal” at about three years old.  It was rather primitive, crayons and scrap paper, but whenever he got frustrated, he could grab a crayon and the book and scribble his feelings in color. 

Taking a Walk A.K.A an Excercise of Patience

Wagon Baby

Wagon Baby (Photo credit: Jason DeRusha)

The babies are napping again.  It was one of the hardest mornings we have had this spring because we decided to take a walk.

First we had the chaos of applying sunscreen, grabbing hats, putting on shoes.  This would have been an organized activity if the four-year old wasn’t trying to coax the almost two-year old into climbing on the living room table and jumping off while I juggled the three-month old in one hand and the sweater of the three-year old in the other.

Then we had bartering for bikes, trikes, positions in the wagon, and the jealousy that is bound to happen when the two-year old realizes this year his spot is in the wagon, not in the stroller he has come to think of as his, that now belongs to the baby.

We have not even made it out of the garage yet, and I am starting to wonder if the benefits of exercising my body outweighs the risks of exercising my patience. 

But off we go.  And after about ten feet of sidewalk we come to a screeching halt (literally screeching) as the three-year old rams her trike into the four-year olds bike.  At this moment I am rescued by, of all things, an ant.  This poor creature has decided to tread in the path of our family parade, and as the four-year old howls, the three year old shouts “buggy!” and all becomes instantly silent as we watch this miracle of mother nature wind his way towards the end of the concrete.

And off we go.  This time we get about a block and we are assaulted by a hummingbird.  You would think our neighborhood has become a war zone, and the buzzing of wings is the sound of an impending attack.  I instantly have trike one way, bike another, two-year old climbing out if the wagon scrambling for cover and my thought is… oh boy, his mom handled the sand-burned nose, but how will she handle the broken arm?  And I think “Note to self, this is not the year to build a bird feeder“.

Moving on from the hummingbird drone, we adventure another fifty yards and cross a bridge over a dry creek bed.  We stop for a few moments to collect some rocks that catch the eyes of the kids.  I suggest trying to find some good ones that we can turn into Pet Rocks this afternoon. After we have a wagon full of options, I exercise my will over the will of three toddlers, and manage to round them up like I am a professional rodeo roper. 

This feels like a good place to turn around, so a whopping two blocks from our home we start back. But exercising as a grandparent staves off so many ill effects of aging, it is as good for me as it is important to teach the little ones to play every day so they do not fall victim to inactivity. 

I vow that tomorrow’s field trip will involve more exercising of bodies and less exercising of patience as we park a bike, a trike, a wagon, and a stroller in the garage and lay out our new rock collection for our craft this afternoon. 

Making Pet Rocks:

Materials:

Rocks (of any size, shape, or color you find interesting)

Paint and brushes (or just let them use their fingers)

Paper, markers, glitter

Glue

1. Clean the rock surface

2. Create a face for your pet (If you want, you can make them people, animals, or aliens).

 

The Value of Parent Networking

Networking is a word most often associated with work.  I had a professional network, as I’m sure you did as well. In my day it was kept in a Rolodex.  Now, the computer serves as my greatest network.  If I have a question or need a solution, or a fun idea for an activity, I pop something into Google and in a matter of a few seconds… Viola! Up pops more information then I could have ever guessed I needed.

Starting out spending my days with my Grandchildren has been so much fun, I almost forgot the value of a great network.  Until I took my granddaughter and grandson to the park to play on the swings the other day and saw something I forgot existed: an entire group of moms and their toddler-aged children and babies, also playing.  And I flashed back to the days of mommy-and-me.

Most of those moms had the same challenges I have: diapers to change, 60 pounds of strollers and formula, and more than one child going in opposite directions.  They had great solutions to everyday problems: like how to push three kids on the swing when you only have two hands. But they lacked my generational experience: my history, my grown children, my opinions and observations collected over a lifetime that are now being re-defined as I participate in raising children all over again.  And it occurred to me that I wanted to belong to that network, but I also wanted one of my own that faced some of the special challenges I face: how to tell my daughter something may be wrong with her son and she needs him to go to the doctor; how to communicate my concerns without stepping on toes; how to spoil my grandchildren with the treats I would have given my own kids, but not break family rules; how to reconcile discipline in my house with the discipline in theirs.

I am not unique.  The facts of grandparenting in today’s world suggest that:

One out of every twelve children lives in a household headed by a relative other than their parent.

Approximately six million children nationwide are being raised by their grandparents or relatives.

Grandparentheaded households are the fastest growing type of family in the United States.

Many of these special families have come together because of difficult family situations such as substance abuse, divorce, parental incarceration, or similar circumstances.

A significant number of grandparents and relatives have informal custody and do not know how this will affect their ability to care for and make decisions on behalf of the children in their care.

So the playground is a great place to start, and believe me, I will be back once a week to enjoy the company I have discovered.  But I don’t want to forget the value of the internet and the many opportunities a virtual network offers, and I am looking for others.  Please share your favorites, I am sharing two of my favorites below.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

The Parent’s Desk

 

Creative Savings Create a Balance

English: First 4 digits of a credit card

Image via Wikipedia

Week Three: Create A Balance

Capping off my resolution to budget, budget, budget, and meet my financial goals, I have decided the most realistic course is to attempt to adopt a new attitude of thriftiness and simplified living. This will mean that I will have to make some cuts in my personal discretionary spending and also make some concerted effort to change how I approach each day.

Behavior changes are easier if they are taken one day at a time, so I am laying out a plan to approach this upcoming week that will hopefully equate to a Creative Savings Lifestyle Change… A change that allows me to still live rich, but also spend less.

This week I am going to focus on the art of using my own ingenuity and inventiveness in the effort to economize. To keep living rich though, it is not merely saving for the sake of saving; but is making a game of getting the most for the least outlay of cash.

To get started in the right direction (or to help refocus if you’re already headed down the frugal pathway), here is the first weeks’ worth of challenges to stretch the ability to think and act in creative but frugal ways:

Sunday For the next seven days, don’t spend any money on entertainment. Brainstorm with your family to come up with things you can do that are free: visit a library, do some mall-walking, or read some good books.

Monday Try not to purchase anything this week at full price. Use coupons, buy on sale, or simply delay your purchase until you can get the item at a discount. When you do spend, put yourself on a “cash only” system. Give your credit cards and even your checkbook a rest by buying only what you can pay for with cash.

Tuesday Today challenge yourself not to spend any money on anything. Enjoy the feeling of keeping your cash in your wallet.

Wednesday Put off a trip to the grocery store as long as you can this week. Be creative in using up what you already have in your pantry.

Thursday – Surf the Internet for new ways to save money. Sign up for a free e-mail newsletter, blog, or discussion list that will provide ideas and encouragement.

Friday Explore your cabinets for everyday items that can be “re-purposed” for things you believe you need: empty food boxes from Costco can be covered with construction paper and glue to make stackable toy containers or book nooks; sheets or pillowcases that are dingy and no longer used for beds can be trimmed and edged into doll blankets. Think to yourself: when I was in college and had no spare cash, what would I have done?

Saturday Look for ways to save gas and give your car a break this upcoming week and write out your plan. Combine errands, do business online or get some exercise by walking to places that are within walking distance.

Outdated Lessons

English: A typical credit card terminal that i...

Image via Wikipedia

I recently stumbled upon a great article about the lessons we learned growing up that we should NOT pass along. Sometimes just like our hands, it is better to keep some things to ourselves!

Outdated Money Lessons You Shouldn’t Teach Your Kids

by LINSEY KNERL

I’m a sucker for tradition. Actually, I am a fan of nostalgia – things that make you warm and gooey and bring you back to the days of your youth. When it comes to issues of personal finance, however, nothing I was taught (even the more “traditional” lessons) really panned out for me. While I’m a big believer in balancing the budget, following the law, and doing your share, I won’t teach my kids money lessons that are popular simply because they are old. Here are a few examples of lessons that are still being handed down from generation to generation – but that really need to stop.

“Be a Company Man
There are two problems with this lesson. First, there are no company “men”. Just as many women are pulling down a fair wage in today’s economy, and the occasional guy who spouts this lesson may also still think “women shouldn’t be in the workplace”. The second issue I have with this is becoming more obvious in this current economy. Companies try to take care of workers, but they can only do so much. Be a family man. Be a man of truth. Be a funny man. But don’t ever base your identity solely on the corporation who signs your checks.

“Always Pay with Cash
This can be a terrible piece of advice that assumes we live in a one-size-fits-all world. It is also nearly impossible to abide by. If you use water, gas, or electricity that costs more per month than the deposit you put down when you opened your account, you are using credit. Unless you waltz in with a wad of cash and tell your utilities manager that you would like to only use the amount you prepay every month, you are “charging” your bill for a short time.

Most should avoid credit until they have developed the ability to use it responsibly. (You may also want to apply for a credit card but put it the freezer in order to build your credit profile.) But let’s call a spade a spade, shall we? This adage should never be given to your kids without a lengthy lesson on credit. It would be better if it were changed to “pay with cash if you aren’t good for your word of paying back the things you buy with credit.” You may also add in “credit rocks if you are good with your budget and like earning perks for the shopping you do anyway.”

“Don’t Spend it All in One Place”
This is one that many of us still hear. The thought behind it is that if you “blow” all your money on one purchase, you won’t have it for other things. But don’t we already know that? Similar to the “play the field” advice for relationships, it can discourage kids from setting, planning for, and committing to a financial goal so that they can one day buy a large purchase that would otherwise be unattainable. So yes, “spend it all in one place” – if that’s what it takes to make that mega purchase of a home, car, or college tuition.

“Time is Money”
Yikes! To some extent this is a true statement. If I burn minutes and hours waiting for a doctor that is late for my appointment, and I’m missing time in the office earning a paycheck, then time is money. If I’m spending a day off from work (unpaid even) to visit my sick aunt in the hospital or to witness my daughter’s first volleyball tournament, then this is very simplistic thinking.

I can always earn more money, but I can never get the precious moments of life back. Be sure that when teaching this to your kids, you are qualifying the value of time in units other than cash. You only get one life, and you can take none of your belongings with you when you die. (Both are traditional lessons that parents should be passing on to their kids!)

Week Two: Budget, Budget, Budget

budget

budget (Photo credit: 401K)

Continuing along with February Financial Resolutions

Week Two: Budget, Budget, Budget

Week Two of my February Resolution, and it has become clear I definitely need to budget, budget, budget (or win the lottery, but that is still a financial dream) to meet my financial goals. I am determined to make my top three goals: the two-week trip with my grandchildren, staying at home so I can offer myself as an alternative to daycare for my children and grandchildren, and having a really big anniversary party for myself and my husband to celebrate 40+ years, including getting him the big gift he has his eye on – a new free-weight set.

That of course means cutting some corners and living frugally for me, because the way our family budget works, I only get an established piece of the whole.  That means I must start living in control of the finances I can control. I have some tried and true methods for organizing finances in a way that contributes to financial success, and I’d like to share them with you below.

This guide will help you to:

  1. Track Your Spending
  2. Create a Budget
  3. Determine Your Net Worth

1. Track Your Spending

Do you know how much you spend each month? If not, now is the time to find out. Many great advisors will tell you to track spending over a one-month period to find out exactly where all of your money goes. This is good, it does help, but we are humans, and lots of people change the way they spend when they start writing stuff down, and often expenses pop up in one month that aren’t always there (think: registration for your car, a visit to the doctor, a child’s birthday), so just writing one month of spending down does not really give the whole picture. How can I change that? you may ask…

If you participate in on-line banking, you can expand this to a three or six month retrospective review, and really get a quick-start on this part of the goal.  Just log on and create a print out of the last 90-180 days.  If you do not e-bank, you can get the same information if you stop by your local branch and ask a teller for a 180 day print out.  This will give you a great history of what you have been up to lately. I like color, so I highlight: Green is rotating bills, orange is groceries, pink is out to eat, yellow is gas, purple is entertainment, etc. Then I add up the specific areas and see what is going on and how I flex from month to month.

After you have either tracked your spending this month real-time, or used the bank print outs to give you a jump start, ask yourself – Are you spending too much on incidentals? Are you falling behind on your savings goals? Spending more than you make? By the time you finish this exercise you should have an answer to all of these questions. Below is a link from an excellent planner at frugalliving.com.  She has developed a worksheet that is visually appealing to use and very helpful:

2. Create a Budget

Once you’ve established a list of financial goals (week one) and taken a close look at your spending habits, it’s time to create a budget that reflects how you want to spend your money.

3. Determine Your Net Worth

Another very important part of budgeting is knowing what you have, not just what you want.  No point in attaining a goal if it risks your long-term future.  Understanding your net worth can tell you a lot about your current financial health, and help you to plan for your financial future. Find out what your net worth is now, and then get in the habit of recalculating your net worth yearly or whenever there is a significant change to your finances. This worksheet is also from the planner at frugalliving.com, and just as great as the monthly planner she created.

 

I wish you luck in Week Two – this is always the hardest part for me, and usually where I fall apart, so I am counting on my newly created Top Three Financial Goals to pull me through the adjustments – I love my morning coffee and I can’t help but want a few nice extras like my hair color or manicures.  So finding a way to not break the bank and attain all that I hope to this year is definitely an exercise in stepping out of my comfort zone!

 

Making a Memory with Your Grandchild

English: Cheese snack Svenska: Ostbågar

Image via Wikipedia

One of the most amazing things I take away from spending my days with my Grandchildren, especially my twelve year old grandson, is that they have absolutely no concept that my husband and I are – OLD!  They look at us in the same the category as their parents, people who are older, who tell them what to do, who take care of them, who love and accept them.  They do not have any inkling that we have all the things that come along with natural aging: arthritis, the occasional lapse of memory, cardiac or high blood pressure.

That does not mean that I am not aware of it, though.  And I think to myself, how can I make a memory that will last?  My oldest daughter remembers her grandmother waiting inside by the snow to help her strip down and warm herself by the stove after making snow angels.  My youngest son remembers that his grandmother always had cheese puffs.  My middle child remembers golfing with her grandmother.  Each of these memories are instances that my children smile, even though now that they are approaching middle age, excepting my husband’s mother, their grandparents have been gone from us for several years.

One national survey of grandparents reported that a variety of activities were engaged in with grandchildren such as:

  • Joking and kidding
  • Giving money
  • Talking about growing up
  • Giving advice
  • Discussing problems
  • Going to church/synagogue
  • Providing discipline
  • Taking a day trip
  • Teaching a skill or game
  • Watching TV together
  • Talking about parent/child disagreements

I recently read an article that suggested memorializing your life history on tape.  That is definitely an option, but my family tends to put more value on playing together.  We go to our grandchildren’s sporting events and dress up with beads or pom-poms from our local party store in their team colors. We like to attend dance recitals and school events like art shows, science fairs, or plays and bring flowers from the backyard for a job well done.

I suggest making a list (or using the one above as a starter) to think about what you can do to create a memory and plan it out.  One of my girlfriends who does not live in the same state as her grandchildren has annual summer “Grandma Camp” where she flies the kids out and takes them on an exhausting whirlwind week full of things that the kids love to do. Everyone looks forward to that – mom and dad get a weekend to “get away” and she gets to create a tradition to pass down. But whatever you do, cherish it, just like when your children were little, your grandchildren will also grow up, and you are a valuable contributor to that process!

 

Backyard Gardening with Your Grandkids

Creating a Spring Garden is a chance for you to show your grandchild that you can Go Green too. It only takes a couple pots in backyard to teach about sustenance living by growing our own fruits, herbs and vegetables and incorporating them into our cooking. This is fun as well as a great life lesson.

Potted gardening, also called container farming, will give you great herbs, fruits, and vegetables to get those grandbabies eating salad.

I’ve linked to growing information from Organic Gardening magazine and Gardening.about.com to help you get your container farming off to a good start. Going organic is really important when it comes to plants you are going to eat because eating chemicals (whether in the form of fertilizers or pesticides) is not very appetizing.

How to Container Garden

Potatoes

Strawberries

Tomatoes

Carrots

Cucumbers

Green Beans

Leaf Lettuce

Sweet Peppers

Squash

5 Herbs for Containers

Hopefully, you and your grandchildren will have a great time enjoying the slightly warmer tempatures, getting outside and planting. I have found this is a great way to teach my grandchildren responsibility, where food comes from, and it takes very litle encouagement to get even the pickiest eater to try something they helped grow.

Ways to Teach Children About Money


Unless you are Puxatony Phil or live in a cooler area like those poor souls from Boston, you are likely to think that Spring is nearly here! In addition to warmer weather, the return of baseball, and gardens blooming, the changing of the seasons will also bring you several opportunities to teach kids about money. It’s never too early (or late!) to put them on the road to lifelong financially savvy decisions, so as you get ready for the end of winter, think about activities you can share that will teach them about money, as well as give you some fun family time. Here are examples to get you started.

Yard Sale

Spring cleaning will help clear the cobwebs out of the house and your brain after a long winter cooped up inside, and it will give you the time to decide what possessions your family no longer needs. Most families can stand to do this more than once a year, and even the most change-averse child will be excited to learn that old toys can be converted into cash at a yard sale.

Between advertising, pricing items, making change, and responsibly spending the spoils, a family yard sale is an excellent teachable moment for your grandchildren. If they are old enough to remember when the no-longer loved toy was new, it will be good for them to see that possessions do not necessarily keep their value. Watching customers haggling with you over prices will provide them with a priceless introduction to the power of negotiation. Even learning that yard sales do not do well on weekdays or rainy days will help children to understand that it’s important to always have a backup plan. Overall, you will clear your house of clutter and teach some valuable lessons on how finances work. It’s a win-win.

Mowing Lawns

It’s a grand tradition for neighborhood teenagers to earn money by doing yard work for others. This spring, why not encourage your tween or teen to canvass the neighbors for lawn-mowing/ house help opportunities? This can help your child to understand that savvy pricing of his services, good advertising (even if it’s just word of mouth) and excellent service will translate to more money in his pocket. By giving him control of his own miniature business (provided he is allowed to borrow the family mower), you will give him a basic understanding of the relationship between money and hard work.

Lemonade Stands

For smaller children, there is no more quintessential summer experience than opening a lemonade stand. While this may be no more elaborate than setting up a card table on the sidewalk in front of your house, you can make the entire experience more memorable and educational through planning. Decide where and when you will set up your lemonade stand. For example, if there is a nearby park, festival or farmer’s market in your neighborhood, choose to put up your stand to take advantage of the foot traffic. (Do make sure that you are allowed to do so ahead of time, however). Include your grandchildren in the shopping for the lemons, sugar and ice so that they can help decide on an appropriate price per glass and estimate how much profit you will make. Determine fun and easy ways to advertise (like posters at nearby intersections) so that they can see the power of advertising to help to bring more customers.

Spring and summer provide you with some unique opportunities to teach your grandchildren about money. By making these lessons fun, you’ll help your kids to see that money is something worth learning about.

  • 17 Tips for a Successful Yard Sale (changingthesubject.wordpress.com)
  • Having a Successful Garage Sale                                                                                         (moneysavingmom.com)
  • Perfect Lemonade                                                                                 (simplyrecipes.com)
  • Homemade Lemonade                                                                         (familyfun.go.com)