Musical Moments

First band concert by kids (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My grandson brought home a flyer for the school concert this week.  It delicately (In Giant Bold Print)reminded me that this was Music in Our Schools Month, and offered a free concert for my listening pleasure.

Now, I’m not sure when the first (or last) school concert you attended was, but I sure remember my last concert.  The oldest grandchild was 9 and had second chair for a rendition of “Oats, Peas, and Beans” on the Violin.  I can assure you it was a phenomenal treat to hear the sheer artistry of the composition played in the acoustically designed cafeteria as I sat on a  lunch table bench labeled with a piece of computer paper stating “peanut free” secured with packing tape directly beneath my behind.  You may now breathe a sigh of relief that I did not record it at the time and will not be linking to a site that you can share the experience with me over and over.

However, I do think music is a critically important part of a growing child’s education at any age, and some of my favorite suggestions for introducing music are below:

Infants through Toddlerhood:

Singing favorite songs over and over.  Before they are even six months old, infants can benefit from music.  My daughter, a speech and hearing therapist, shares that developmental research has shown that mapping the auditory cortex helps develop pitch and encourages spatial-temporal abilities… Who would have guessed? The Next Bieber can be in your arms right now!  And humming Row, Row, Row the Boat is just the jumpstart he needed.

Sitting until 3 Years:

Pots and Pans from under your sink.  That’s right – a spoon, a Tupperware container with a lid, and a metal pot makes an excellent drum set.  And the basics of  banging a spoon on your pan improves hand-eye coordination! So if it has become clear by the time your grandchild is toddling he will not be able to carry a tune, banging the pots and pans may help him become a better athlete.

3 Years to 5 Years:

Musical Games like “Ring around the Rosey” or “Patty Cake“.  Clapping, waving, jumping, dancing, and singing along reinforces thinking skills like visualizing and forethought.  According to my grandson’s Physical Therapist, musical games assist tremendously in focusing young children’s energy for five or six minutes at a time on gross motor skill development and coordination.  I have witnessed his receptivity to learning is much better when music is included in his therapy.

6 Years to 10 Years:

The Radio.  If you are not able to introduce your grandchild to learning to play an instrument, due to lack of resources at school or lack of personal opportunities, do not let that discourage you from continuing to take advantage of the many free musical options.  Introduce your grandchild to many styles of music, not just the current pop trend.  Share your favorite teen beats, my grandchildren love to Doo Whop.

This is the point at which your grandchild will begin to notice that music has structure.  Most published research on music and improved academics originates from this age group, and not just because this is the age group where testing becomes popular since kids are in school: math and reading is about patience and patterning. Listening to a song long enough to start singing along with the lyrics helps develop the longer attention spans needed for reading, and being able to repeat the rhymes and inflection in a chorus is a blend of concentration skills and patterning found in math.

If your local school has a music concert this month, and it is free, you may want to venture out, if only to have an idea of what you are in for later on or to show community support for the program so it is still there when your Mini Mozart has an opportunity to participate.  But if not, or if you prefer to keep a little closer to home with the little ones, I hope you can find a way to put a little music into your day.

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Playdates

Kids at shore (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everyday at my house seems to be a great big playdate.  Sure, we have a schedule, and some days the routine is the only thing that keeps me from opening a bottle of Valium during nap time, but we have a lot of free play hours in our day.  And we use them to our full advantage, taking walks, making my kitchen a concert hall.  So sometimes I am surprised when my granddaughter wants to invite her friend from gymnastics to play, or my grandson wants a friend to ride the bus home from school with him.

I do have some grandma guidelines for successful playdates, and hopefully they will fit into your playdate puzzle.

Don’t Force a Crowd

Kids at two and three don’t really have “friends”.  They have people they play next to.  If you have a mom or grandmother you like to have coffee with, this is a perfect play date 1 on 1.  By the time your child is four or five, playdates with preschool friends or t-ball buddies are pretty normal.  Let your child decide who to invite, and limit the number of children. 1 or 2 friends is plenty.  More than that and the crowd becomes mischievous, and unless you were spawned on some other planet and crashed into earth as “Supermom”  – you only have two hands and one set of eyes.

Set the Timer

There is too much of a good thing.  I use the egg timer rule of thumb for playdates: an hour for under five, two for under ten, eleven and older three or the duration of the activity they are doing together.  Sleepovers are the exception, but I never allow sleepovers for children under nine. 

Neutral Territory

All of my grandchildren have favorite toys, and none of them really likes to share.  Especially with children under the age of five, a playground is better, there is less to fight over.  If you are tied to your home for the playdate, remove the favorite toys, blankets, and controversial items that you know will start a disagreement.

Plan an Agenda

I like to have an activity or two, like an art project or a game to let the kids pick from.  It keeps things organized, running smoothly, and over in the correct time period.  If the kids are old enough (say four and up) let them pick what they would like to do for the playdate or take an active part in setting up for the playdate.

Be Present

You cannot leave two six-year olds up to their own devices or after fifteen minutes of silence you will find one of them shimmy-ing down the outside of your second story window on a bed sheet.  True story. So plan on being there the whole time and supervising, but intervene rarely.  Let them negotiate their differences, this is crucial problem solving skill building. 

Fair Warning

Blow the five-minute whistle when the playdate is coming to an end.  it is important that the kids know what to expect and part of that is when to finish up their games so they can help clean up before it is time to go home.

 

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Coloring Eggs

Easter eggs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We are now officially in high Easter swing.  We are going to a community park tomorrow to hunt for candy eggs, but today we decorated our own eggs for Easter brunch on Sunday.  Aside from a few paint brush wars, and a couple tears because of a cracked masterpiece, things went remarkably well.

We have always done egg coloring with vinegar and fizzing dye tablets ala the store bought version, but this year we tried a less expensive version. And fortunately, taping down a vinyl tablecloth before the coloring event meant that other than hands and clothes, the colors for the most part stayed on the eggs.

I recently heard about using Kool Aid powder and water as your dye source.  I thought this was a great suggestion, as you used the dime packets of kool-aid and a cup of water, rather than the more expensive options, that justify their cost by adding in stickers and egg holders.  It also gave me a greater realm of color possibility than food coloring tablets: Kool-aid comes in red, blue, green, purple, yellow, pink, orange, and many variations of shades. 

To Make:

1. Measure out approximately a cup of water in a coffee cup.

2. Empty a non-sugar packet (the concentrated dime version) of Kool-aid into the water.

3. Mix

4. Using a spoon or fingers, gently place the hard boiled egg into the cup and allow to steep for about thirty seconds, longer if deeper color is desired.

It really was that simple.  For less than five dollars, including the cost of the eggs, we have two dozen hand colored eggs for our feast!

To add an exciting twist: Let the kids use crayons to decorate the eggs before dipping, the wax prevents the color from adhering to the egg shell.

Another option: Get out your children’s paintbrushes.  Since it is only kool-aid, you can have the kids paint the eggs with names, pictures, or multiple colors rather than just dipping – watercolor style, and yo don’t have to worry about vinegar getting anywhere it shouldn’t, like little eyes!

 

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That’s My Gramma!

Sibling Rivalry (Family Guy) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yesterday my little ones were in a heated but quiet debate.  They had circled the wagons and I could not hear what was being said as they covertly discussed a topic that clearly required government clearance to eavesdrop.

Suddenly, the two-year old made a break for it, and fiercely grabbing my leg shot daggers at his cousin and said: “No! That’s my Gramma!”  It took about half a second to collect myself and not break out into laughter, and I was reminded of how terrible and how lovely sibling rivalry can be.

Siblings is the best way, in my opinion, to categorize them, they have been together five or six days a week for the past two years.  They take gym classes together, they play together, they share favorite movies and games. But they also have totally different families they go home to at the end of the day, so the fierce possessiveness they show me can sometimes catch me off guard.  But my surprise does not eliminate the reality that each wants to be my favorite, each is just slightly irrational in the way only a toddler can carry off in style, and it is important to their social development to help them manage  their own rivalry so they can become emotionally healthy adults who can balance acceptance and rejection and form strong balanced relationships in the future.

Carve Out Time

Carving out time can be as simple as sitting with one in your lap as you read a favorite book, or watching them color, or throwing a ball.  The time does not have to be substantial: it has to be meaningful.  Take into account what makes each child feel special and take ten minutes everyday to show interest.

Do Not Try to Create Equality

Celebrate the differences each of your children possesses. It is OK if they do not get the same size scoop of ice cream or exactly ten M&Ms on top if they are three years apart.  If you generate a complaint, simply explain that you try your best to be fair and each can eat different amounts, then offer a little more to the one expressing concern by asking how much more they think they can eat and fulfilling the request.

Set Boundaries

Each child should have their own set of boundaries.  In some cases these boundaries will overlap, for example hitting or poking each other will likely be the same for everyone), but in other instances they will be different.  Providing clear expectations for everyone will help reduce the squabbling and tattling that exacerbates sibling rivalry.

Provide Words Where the Are None

Children that are only four do not have the vocabulary to express what they are feeling. Take a guess at what the concern is and let them respond; this works very well not just for rivalry but for all emotional moments. 

Suggest an Acceptable Activity to Express Feelings

One of my grandchildren used to get angry and kick the wall when they felt ignored.  Since that is not acceptable behavior at my house I gave him an alternative that was.  We started a “journal” at about three years old.  It was rather primitive, crayons and scrap paper, but whenever he got frustrated, he could grab a crayon and the book and scribble his feelings in color. 

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Taking a Walk A.K.A an Excercise of Patience

Wagon Baby (Photo credit: Jason DeRusha)

The babies are napping again.  It was one of the hardest mornings we have had this spring because we decided to take a walk.

First we had the chaos of applying sunscreen, grabbing hats, putting on shoes.  This would have been an organized activity if the four-year old wasn’t trying to coax the almost two-year old into climbing on the living room table and jumping off while I juggled the three-month old in one hand and the sweater of the three-year old in the other.

Then we had bartering for bikes, trikes, positions in the wagon, and the jealousy that is bound to happen when the two-year old realizes this year his spot is in the wagon, not in the stroller he has come to think of as his, that now belongs to the baby.

We have not even made it out of the garage yet, and I am starting to wonder if the benefits of exercising my body outweighs the risks of exercising my patience. 

But off we go.  And after about ten feet of sidewalk we come to a screeching halt (literally screeching) as the three-year old rams her trike into the four-year olds bike.  At this moment I am rescued by, of all things, an ant.  This poor creature has decided to tread in the path of our family parade, and as the four-year old howls, the three year old shouts “buggy!” and all becomes instantly silent as we watch this miracle of mother nature wind his way towards the end of the concrete.

And off we go.  This time we get about a block and we are assaulted by a hummingbird.  You would think our neighborhood has become a war zone, and the buzzing of wings is the sound of an impending attack.  I instantly have trike one way, bike another, two-year old climbing out if the wagon scrambling for cover and my thought is… oh boy, his mom handled the sand-burned nose, but how will she handle the broken arm?  And I think “Note to self, this is not the year to build a bird feeder“.

Moving on from the hummingbird drone, we adventure another fifty yards and cross a bridge over a dry creek bed.  We stop for a few moments to collect some rocks that catch the eyes of the kids.  I suggest trying to find some good ones that we can turn into Pet Rocks this afternoon. After we have a wagon full of options, I exercise my will over the will of three toddlers, and manage to round them up like I am a professional rodeo roper. 

This feels like a good place to turn around, so a whopping two blocks from our home we start back. But exercising as a grandparent staves off so many ill effects of aging, it is as good for me as it is important to teach the little ones to play every day so they do not fall victim to inactivity. 

I vow that tomorrow’s field trip will involve more exercising of bodies and less exercising of patience as we park a bike, a trike, a wagon, and a stroller in the garage and lay out our new rock collection for our craft this afternoon. 

Making Pet Rocks:

Materials:

Rocks (of any size, shape, or color you find interesting)

Paint and brushes (or just let them use their fingers)

Paper, markers, glitter

Glue

1. Clean the rock surface

2. Create a face for your pet (If you want, you can make them people, animals, or aliens).

 

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The Value of Parent Networking

Networking is a word most often associated with work.  I had a professional network, as I’m sure you did as well. In my day it was kept in a Rolodex.  Now, the computer serves as my greatest network.  If I have a question or need a solution, or a fun idea for an activity, I pop something into Google and in a matter of a few seconds… Viola! Up pops more information then I could have ever guessed I needed.

Starting out spending my days with my Grandchildren has been so much fun, I almost forgot the value of a great network.  Until I took my granddaughter and grandson to the park to play on the swings the other day and saw something I forgot existed: an entire group of moms and their toddler-aged children and babies, also playing.  And I flashed back to the days of mommy-and-me.

Most of those moms had the same challenges I have: diapers to change, 60 pounds of strollers and formula, and more than one child going in opposite directions.  They had great solutions to everyday problems: like how to push three kids on the swing when you only have two hands. But they lacked my generational experience: my history, my grown children, my opinions and observations collected over a lifetime that are now being re-defined as I participate in raising children all over again.  And it occurred to me that I wanted to belong to that network, but I also wanted one of my own that faced some of the special challenges I face: how to tell my daughter something may be wrong with her son and she needs him to go to the doctor; how to communicate my concerns without stepping on toes; how to spoil my grandchildren with the treats I would have given my own kids, but not break family rules; how to reconcile discipline in my house with the discipline in theirs.

I am not unique.  The facts of grandparenting in today’s world suggest that:

One out of every twelve children lives in a household headed by a relative other than their parent.

Approximately six million children nationwide are being raised by their grandparents or relatives.

Grandparentheaded households are the fastest growing type of family in the United States.

Many of these special families have come together because of difficult family situations such as substance abuse, divorce, parental incarceration, or similar circumstances.

A significant number of grandparents and relatives have informal custody and do not know how this will affect their ability to care for and make decisions on behalf of the children in their care.

So the playground is a great place to start, and believe me, I will be back once a week to enjoy the company I have discovered.  But I don’t want to forget the value of the internet and the many opportunities a virtual network offers, and I am looking for others.  Please share your favorites, I am sharing two of my favorites below.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

The Parent’s Desk

 

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Communication Is Key

Image via Wikipedia

Question: How do we keep communication strong with our tween Grandchildren, even when we are generations apart and live hundreds of miles away?

Answer: It’s a Zombie Apocalypse!  No, really, it is.

Certainly we are not a technologically challenged family.  We have had and used computers from the time that 8 GIGs took up half an office.  You could actually walk though the server columns.  My daughter remembers when the internet was DOS chat rooms.  Those days are definitely remnants of the past.  Now, you only have to buy a cell phone and activate the service and you can access the web from anywhere, emailing, blogging, surfing away your life. To think, we are only sixty years apart, but I never dreamed as a child that I could call someone without telephone wires, and my youngest grandchildren will probably never even know what a DVD or CD is, they will stream all their movies and music and might never carry a textbook if Apple gets it’s way.

That said, the cost of these services can be prohibitive, but most sixth graders have cell phones, and my grandson has an Iphone.  So my husband and I recently jumped into the world of Iphones too, and wow, are we ever amazed that we lived without them.

If you happen to have one of these phones, and you also happen to have a tween or teen that has one of these phones (or an Ipad or iPod, or a Droid) that has apps, this is your chance to connect with them every day.  Get a shared gaming app they play with their friends, like Zombie Farm or Words with Friends, and suggest that you two start-up a little friendly competition of your own.  Bonus points in Grandma-land:  you look cool, you look smart, and you get to beat the pants off the twelve-year-old!

If you are techno-shy, which I totally understand, all you have to do is:

1. Call your daughter or son and find out of your grandchild has one of these types of cell phones or devices
2. Write down which one it is (is it a Droid, and Ipad, an Iphone, etc)
3. Ask your grandchild to come to the phone and find out what his favorite app is (you can start with the biggies: Mafia Wars, Zombie Farm, Hanging with Friends, Words with Friends) – you may have to supply these suggestions if you have a grunter like I do: one grunt for yes I play it, two grunts for no.
4. Get their user name – this may be called a “gamer tag” in tween lingo, but you need this to invite them to a game.
5. Tell them you love them and miss them.
6.  Walk into a service provider (think Verizon, Apple, Sprint, T-mobile) and let them know you want to know what their rate plans are to allow you to download apps (and specifically to play the app your grandchild plays – from the grunted answer).
7. Pick the least expensive plan that meets your needs.  If you want bells and whistles, that is up to you, but don’t be fooled into having to have them.  If you only talk on a cell phone five hundred minutes a month do not buy unlimited talk for an extra $10.00 per month – by going the app play route, you will probably talk less because the grunts get shorter.
8. Have the guy at the store you choose set up your phone: transfer your numbers in, fix the ring to something you can stand, and download the apps you want for you.  They will do this if you ask. In fact, I like making them fix all my settings and do a tutorial at the same time, I hate trying to do set ups at home and I figure for the cost of these phones I should get a little TLC from the guy at the desk.
9. Open the app, set up you own gamer tag – something like “gramma rocks” “im gonna beat u bad” and shoot off an invite.

My grandson and I play both together – the free versions.  We love checking our farms for onion-head carrot arm creatures, debating the best way to grow a turnip arm-broccoli head zombie, and we love trying to best each other in a game of scrabble (I usually win, he is a twelve-year-old boy, after all).  This little game playing takes about ten minutes of my time a day, but it has really connected us through the distance in a way the texting and emailing and phone calls have not.  Sure, it is not the same as sitting around the table on family game night, but it is a far cry from the grunting and three-letter texts I get when I try to call.  And maybe one day he’ll scrabble me the name of the girl he’s dating or the college he hopes to get into.  If all it takes to connect with a tween is a Zombie Apocalypse, sign me up!

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Family Snow Days

Image via Wikipedia

I was looking at the weather report and chatting with my family back home in Chicago and man, I am sooo sorry for all of you who are going to be cold and stuck inside.  I remember all too well just when you though it was safe to hang up your jacket… BAM!  A late winter/early spring snowstorm has you bundling up again.

I have a few things I hate to do in the snow (shoveling, driving, de-icing windshields), but I have many more that I love to do in the snow. Or inside when it’s snowing.

Have a Snowman Competition: bundle up and while it’s fresh get outside and see who can build the smallest snowman, the biggest snowman, the silliest snowman, the most unique snowman.  What happens if you stand him upside down?

Start a Snowball War: not just a fight – go for the gusto – make teams, build forts out of snow embankments.  This is a great time to introduce the grandkids to the old fashioned game capture the flag.  Loser has to make the hot chocolate (so grandmas and papas, this means you lose).

Make Snow Angels: get down in the snow and wave your arms up and down and fan your legs in and out.  Make an angel family.  Get out the camera and capture this – one day your granddaughter will not even want to put her hood up for fear of wrecking her hair style, so while they are young enough, roll around with them.

Build an Ice Palace in your Backyard: gather up the snow and create your own bunker to hunker down in.  You can get really crazy and decorate it with twigs and leaves. Princes love defending ice palaces from raging dragons (think red jacket and roar your best roar, Dragon King) and princesses love  being rescued by knights in shining armor.  Your backyard can be fodder for all these creative ideas.

Catch Snowflakes: ever heard that no two snowflakes are alike?  Share that little bit of knowledge and go catch some to see if it is actually true.

Go on a “Buried Treasure” Hunt: What is in your backyard that the snow is hiding? Do yo have rocks, leaves, little creepy crawlers?  You can organize the hunt with a list of things to find or you can just get out a sand bucket and shovel and start digging away to see what pops up under all that white stuff.

Make Up Stories: One of my favorite pastimes that is great for encouraging imagination is to start a story and let the grandkids take it from there.  On a snow day you can sip hot chocolate or warm milk, sit in a circle and start off with, there once was a princess stranded in a castle, while the snow fell all around her.  She sat, looking out the window and to her surprise she saw… let her take it from there, who knows what will come up? No Princesses?  Make it a wild adventurer, and archeologist, a mad scientist.  Whatever main character fits your grandchild will do.

I hope you enjoy your snow day today.  Warmer weather is around the corner, and next winter you may not get this special chance to play.

Family Dinners

Tonight I was shooing my last grandchild out the door and a thought flit through my mind about how different dinners are now then they were when my children were young. Between the busy workweek and long commutes, most of my grandchildren do not even get home until 6:45. Add in the evening unpacking, the settling in, and the cooking and I would be surprised if they ate before 7:30. What a whirlwind! No wonder my daughters opt for fast food over home cooked meals.

Ahh the yester- years. It is true, we were a traditional sit down around the kitchen table family. My husband at one end, me at the other, and our four children seated in the same place every night, except Fridays – our family night. Over our heads hung a plaque featuring a stern spoon wielding mother that read “Don’t expect a fat meal from a lean cook”. And that was no joke in my house. We scraped by with the bare minimum, my $80.00 a week grocery budget fed all six of us the whole week. Thinking about that time, it dawned on me, life in retrospect seems so much simpler, less chaotic. And there is no shortage of people like me just waiting to rub everyone else’s nose in the rose garden.

But then I remembered the truth:

My oldest son’s best friend who always had to squeeze in at the table in my spot since we only had six chairs so I ate standing up every time his mom worked late.

Five kernals of corn shoved so high up a small left nostril we had to go to the emergency room for the sheer entertainment value it brought the other three kids.

Clearing homework and scrubbing pencil off the table so we had somewhere to eat.

Dinner ready at 6:30 but dad running late because of traffic so now it’s cold, and the gravy is even worse it is bordering on gelatinous.

The dog somehow finding her way into my crockpot… Didn’t I put FOOD in there this morning?

Oh my god, the youngest boy just stabbed the oldest girl in the hand with his fork. For fun.

The middle girl is refusing to eat tacos so even though everyone else has left the table and we are approaching bedtime I still cannot clear the table at risk of ruining my “eat your peas or else” credibility.

The oldest ate spaghetti and had the stomach flu, and now I am up all night pulling half digested strands from her hair and out of her nose.

Ahhh, the memories. Walking down memory lane tonight has inspired me to pack sack dinners for the drive home. Those poor grandkids, growing up in my house it’s no wonder their moms don’t cook! In fact, it is a miracle they are not suffering post traumatic stress when they walk in the kitchen. If you have a favorite my Family Dinner Story, I’d love to hear it!

Encourage Saving

Image via Wikipedia

Matching Contributions When Your GrandKids Save

I am always on the lookout for great ideas that help encourage my gradchildren to start (and keep) saving.  I recently heard about some parents providing a matching contributions to their children’s savings accounts and thought – Brilliance!  As many of you are aware,  part of leading your grandchildren into having great money habits is helping to steward your Grandchild’s saving.

The way this idea works is very simple: YOU provide matching contributions when your grandchildren decide to put money in a savings account.

How Much Should you Match?

At the most basic level, you can match the contribution, dollar for dollar, when they set their money aside for the future.

You may decide to offer a 50% match, so that if the child decides to put $3 in savings, you contribute another $1.50, to bring the total to $4.50.

Another option is to offer a sliding scale. If your grandchild sets aside 20% of his or her income from a job or allowance, you can match it dollar for dollar. If he sets aside 10%, you can reduce it to 0.5o cents on the dollar, and then at 5%, you can match with 0.25 cents on the dollar. This will encourage some children to set more aside.

Why Match?

Just like a contribution to a 401K, with a matching contribution, your grandchildren can see their money add up quicker. This can get them excited about saving, so that they can watch the bank balance grow.

Also, this practice can provide kids with a foundation that will lead them to take advantage of 401k match opportunities in the workplace. Plus, it will help build a nest egg sooner, and you only have to do some of the heavy lifting… think ipad, car, college. What big gift would you give if you could?  Now here is a great way to start contributing and give your grandchild stake in their own future as well.

Any Twists?

Of course you can shape this anyway you want to. On top of providing a matching contribution, you can also have a “vesting” period. With most employer-sponsored retirement account matching programs, there is a vesting period. Before you can consider the money contributed by the employer as truly yours, you have to be an employee for a certain number of years. You can set up a similar program with your grandchildren: they can’t withdraw money from the savings account until at least a certain amount of time has passed.

Requiring a vesting period is a good way to help your child delay withdrawing the money. Plus, if your child gets the matching contribution from you, and then withdraws the money two days later, the purpose of the lesson has been defeated. However, if you are consistent in your efforts, and you provide a reward that your children can see grow, there is a stronger likelihood of the lesson sinking in.

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