Playdates

Kids at shore (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everyday at my house seems to be a great big playdate.  Sure, we have a schedule, and some days the routine is the only thing that keeps me from opening a bottle of Valium during nap time, but we have a lot of free play hours in our day.  And we use them to our full advantage, taking walks, making my kitchen a concert hall.  So sometimes I am surprised when my granddaughter wants to invite her friend from gymnastics to play, or my grandson wants a friend to ride the bus home from school with him.

I do have some grandma guidelines for successful playdates, and hopefully they will fit into your playdate puzzle.

Don’t Force a Crowd

Kids at two and three don’t really have “friends”.  They have people they play next to.  If you have a mom or grandmother you like to have coffee with, this is a perfect play date 1 on 1.  By the time your child is four or five, playdates with preschool friends or t-ball buddies are pretty normal.  Let your child decide who to invite, and limit the number of children. 1 or 2 friends is plenty.  More than that and the crowd becomes mischievous, and unless you were spawned on some other planet and crashed into earth as “Supermom”  – you only have two hands and one set of eyes.

Set the Timer

There is too much of a good thing.  I use the egg timer rule of thumb for playdates: an hour for under five, two for under ten, eleven and older three or the duration of the activity they are doing together.  Sleepovers are the exception, but I never allow sleepovers for children under nine. 

Neutral Territory

All of my grandchildren have favorite toys, and none of them really likes to share.  Especially with children under the age of five, a playground is better, there is less to fight over.  If you are tied to your home for the playdate, remove the favorite toys, blankets, and controversial items that you know will start a disagreement.

Plan an Agenda

I like to have an activity or two, like an art project or a game to let the kids pick from.  It keeps things organized, running smoothly, and over in the correct time period.  If the kids are old enough (say four and up) let them pick what they would like to do for the playdate or take an active part in setting up for the playdate.

Be Present

You cannot leave two six-year olds up to their own devices or after fifteen minutes of silence you will find one of them shimmy-ing down the outside of your second story window on a bed sheet.  True story. So plan on being there the whole time and supervising, but intervene rarely.  Let them negotiate their differences, this is crucial problem solving skill building. 

Fair Warning

Blow the five-minute whistle when the playdate is coming to an end.  it is important that the kids know what to expect and part of that is when to finish up their games so they can help clean up before it is time to go home.

 

Related articles

• Welcome to Playdate Planet (5minutesformom.com)
• Miss Conduct: Etiquette for playdates? (boston.com)
• The new playdate playbook (cnn.com)