Sibling Rivalry (Family Guy) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Yesterday my little ones were in a heated but quiet debate. They had circled the wagons and I could not hear what was being said as they covertly discussed a topic that clearly required government clearance to eavesdrop.
Suddenly, the two-year old made a break for it, and fiercely grabbing my leg shot daggers at his cousin and said: “No! That’s my Gramma!” It took about half a second to collect myself and not break out into laughter, and I was reminded of how terrible and how lovely sibling rivalry can be.
Siblings is the best way, in my opinion, to categorize them, they have been together five or six days a week for the past two years. They take gym classes together, they play together, they share favorite movies and games. But they also have totally different families they go home to at the end of the day, so the fierce possessiveness they show me can sometimes catch me off guard. But my surprise does not eliminate the reality that each wants to be my favorite, each is just slightly irrational in the way only a toddler can carry off in style, and it is important to their social development to help them manage their own rivalry so they can become emotionally healthy adults who can balance acceptance and rejection and form strong balanced relationships in the future.
Carve Out Time
Carving out time can be as simple as sitting with one in your lap as you read a favorite book, or watching them color, or throwing a ball. The time does not have to be substantial: it has to be meaningful. Take into account what makes each child feel special and take ten minutes everyday to show interest.
Do Not Try to Create Equality
Celebrate the differences each of your children possesses. It is OK if they do not get the same size scoop of ice cream or exactly ten M&Ms on top if they are three years apart. If you generate a complaint, simply explain that you try your best to be fair and each can eat different amounts, then offer a little more to the one expressing concern by asking how much more they think they can eat and fulfilling the request.
Set Boundaries
Each child should have their own set of boundaries. In some cases these boundaries will overlap, for example hitting or poking each other will likely be the same for everyone), but in other instances they will be different. Providing clear expectations for everyone will help reduce the squabbling and tattling that exacerbates sibling rivalry.
Provide Words Where the Are None
Children that are only four do not have the vocabulary to express what they are feeling. Take a guess at what the concern is and let them respond; this works very well not just for rivalry but for all emotional moments.
Suggest an Acceptable Activity to Express Feelings
One of my grandchildren used to get angry and kick the wall when they felt ignored. Since that is not acceptable behavior at my house I gave him an alternative that was. We started a “journal” at about three years old. It was rather primitive, crayons and scrap paper, but whenever he got frustrated, he could grab a crayon and the book and scribble his feelings in color.
Related articles
- Confronting Sibling Conflict (theparentinggig.com)
- Jealous Siblings (kleenexmums.com.au)
- Sibling Rivalry (sciencemomma.wordpress.com)
- Four Tips For Soothing Sibling Rivalry – by Love & Logic (wisdomwithinus.wordpress.com)
- Will they be close friends or just a family? (scaredmom.wordpress.com)
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